Do I hear rapids?

***written while wearing a face mask and sprawled out on the bed I wish I didn’t have to leave at 0420 every weekday morning***

Hello my people!

I hope this post finds you well. I am mildly exhausted and pretty much running on caffeine, endorphins from my butt crack of dawn workouts, and more caffeine….in the form of a sunrise monster (yum). Yes. Lots of caffeine is bad for you. However, three hours into trying not to drink it I felt myself physically typing slower and seriously questioning if I could pull a George Kostanza under my desk, so I quit quitting and accepted that at the end of two years here I will have to do a detox to try and prevent further damage of whatever lots of caffeine damages (if any of my doctor or nurse friends want to jump in here…).
Enough rambling. Life in Columbia has been treating me well. The backyard is FINALLY (after signing the contract in APRIL and dealing with the nightmare of a shitty contractor whose employees don’t actually know what they are doing) done. How shitty? How about spilled paint all over the house and patio and “cleaned” it up and oh by the way didn’t paint the top of the purgeola, etc. I won’t get started on that. Come hang out now that we have a cool space to do so. Guest rooms are always open.

Great news (for those who haven’t heard)! I got selected for promotion for Major! I don’t feel like I’m old enough for this…but the AF is telling me otherwise. I will let you know when the ceremony is…maybe we can celebrate together.

Scott and I have been doing a mixture off adulting (taking care of the house, buying a new couch that will actually last, meal prepping, etc) and adventuring. Two weekends ago, we decided we were going to try floating down the Congares river that runs right through the city….in style of course on doughnut floaties.

We did some research, found out where to park the cars (we weren’t going to pay for a tour), and even talked to someone on the boat ramp to see if this was a common thing…which according to the man wearing the “I got drunk floating on the river tee” it was.

So we took our dry bags and our 550 cords and launched. Water was cold but it was so hot it felt perfect.

We peacefully floated down the river and were going at such a calm pace…we tried swimming a bit because we had dinner reservations. At one point, Scott thinks he hears rapids. Which looking out at the perfectly flat and calm river, seemed impossible. Until it wasn’t. We ran smack into a concrete wall with giant metal rods sticking out the other side with about a 5ft rapid ramp …like the below but with spikes. 

Wanting to not puncture our floaties (there were remains of a few unlucky floaties still stuck on the rods), we try to go to the side where there’s a sneaky place for kayakers, floaters, and other people to not get impalled. We make it to the corner. PAUSE. I need to to get a good visual. I was wearing this hat.

Got it in your head? Perfect. UNPAUSE.

So we make it to the corner and Scott stops moving. The current is apparently so strong getting sucked down the channel that he can’t move. But he doesn’t vocalize this because he’s trying to get unstuck and not lose the tubes. I try to go around. Then discover the strong currently while simultaneously getting slammed into the concrete corner where a lumpy unsmooth piece of concrete hell is slammed into my crotch. The best description of the noise I made was howling. Somehow, I get in the “channel” and get sucked downstream by the apparently much faster than expected water. My hat completely disheveled my head above water while I channel the fact I can swim yet howling the whole time down the river and Scott yelling “you’re ok. You’re ok! YOURE OK”.

I continue howling and floating down the river….I will give it about 200m and Scott finally catches me with my doughnut. Everything but my dignity still intact (thank you 550 cord).

It then starts to lightning. And wind. And look like maybe we should not be on the water. So we take turns swimming each other in. Me and my bruised ego/crotch made it in one piece and we still made it to dinner.

Nothing else too crazy has happened. We went sightseeing at night while waiting for a seat Kraminsky’s because no cheat meal is complete without a GIANT SLICE of their cake.

The above is the state capitol that was rebuilt after General Sherman burned Columbia to the ground in the Civil War.

That’s about it. I’m hoping to get out hiking this weekend. I hope you are all well. 



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